


My Eyes Are Fully Open

by Bow



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Filk, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-21
Updated: 2004-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-14 02:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/144179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bow/pseuds/Bow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A filk about the climax of <i>Prisoner of Azkaban</i>, set to the Gilbert and Sullivan patter song "My Eyes Are Fully Open" from Ruddigore. The formatting is not perfect on AO3, so if desired you can view it at <a href="http://bowdlerized.livejournal.com/19418.html">my LiveJournal</a> instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Eyes Are Fully Open

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["My Eyes Are Fully Open," from Ruddigore](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/2095) by Gilbert and Sullivan. 



  
SCENE -- _Harry, Hermione, Ron, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Unconscious!Snape are outside of the Shrieking Shack, on their way back to the castle. Suddenly, the moon breaks through the clouds and Remus bursts into song._

  
 **REMUS**.

     My eyes are fully open to my awful situation--  

    I confess I'll be a werewolf after quite a short duration.  

    I saw Peter on the map and I forgot my Wolfsbane potion,  

    Which undoubtedly will henceforth be the cause of some commotion.  

    Now, far be it from me to make demands that are outrageous,  

    But I beseech you, run away before I turn contagious!  

    And if I could, I'd lend a hand and help you haul this man in  

    To feed to a Dementor, but that doesn't mesh with canon!  

  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
SIRIUS| PETER  
---|---  
| No, it doesn't mesh with canon,  
No, it doesn't mesh with canon,| canon, canon, canon, canon-  
canon, canon, canon, canon-| No, it doesn't mesh with canon,  
No, it doesn't mesh with canon-| canon, canon, canon, canon-  
  
 **ALL**.

     No, it doesn't mesh with canon, canon, canon, canon, canon!

 _(Remus completes his transformation, and Sirius transforms into dog form to keep Remus away from the children. Peter grabs Lupin's dropped wand and pauses for a soliloquy.)_

 **PETER**.

  
     I must admit, I find your transformation quite convenient.  

    It enables me to flee from captors likely less than lenient.  

    When I was young, they taunted me, and that was detrimental--  

    It turned me mean! It turned me treacherous and temperamental.  

    I'll reassume my murine shape and seek my former master,  

    Stranding werewolf, kids, and canine at the scene of the disaster!
  
 **SIRIUS**. 

  
     You filthy fucking rodent, I'd have killed you when you ran in,  

    But I'm busy here with Remus, and that would have fucked with canon.

  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
THE TRIO| REMUS| PETER  
---|---|---  
| | Oh, it would've fucked with canon,  
| Oh, it would've fucked with canon| canon, canon, canon, canon,  
| canon, canon, canon, canon,| Oh, it would've fucked with canon,  
| Oh, it would've fucked with canon!| canon, canon, canon, canon!  
Oh, it would've fucked with canon,| |   
| | Oh, it would've fucked with canon,  
Oh, it would've fucked with canon,| Oh, it would've fucked with canon,| Oh, it would've fucked with canon,  
canon, canon, canon, canon,| canon, canon, canon, canon| canon, canon, canon, canon!  
canon, canon, canon, canon,| canon, canon, canon, canon,  
canon, canon, canon, canon, canon,| canon, canon, canon, canon, canon|   
canon, canon, canon, canon, canon!| canon, canon, canon, canon, canon!|   
|   
  
  
 _(Fast forward to the end of the evening.)_

  
 **HARRY**.

  
     To think, the Grim was Sirius and nothing more distressing!
  
 **SNAPE**. 

  
     To think, my chance at accolades has vanished--how depressing!
  
 **HERMIONE**. 

  
     To think that it was Pettigrew who severed his own finger!
  
 **ALL**. 

  
     This evening has emotionally put us through the ringer!  

    Tonight, we've watched our old beliefs and preconceptions shatter,  

    But we haven't yet begun to broach the most exciting matter.  

    To wit, the bit of subtext for which 'shippers' eyes are scannin'...
  
 _(Dramatic pause)_

  
 **REMUS AND SIRIUS**.

  
    ...Is the welcome revelation that our love's completely canon!

  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
REMUS| SIRIUS  
---|---  
| Yes, our love's completely canon,  
Yes, our love's completely canon,| canon, canon, canon, canon,  
canon, canon, canon, canon,| Yes, our love's completely canon,  
Yes, our love's completely canon!| canon, canon, canon, canon!  
  
 **REMUS AND SIRIUS**.

     To wit, the bit of subtext for which 'shippers' eyes are scannin'  

    Is the welcome revelation that our love's completely canon!  

    To wit, the bit of subtext for which 'shippers' eyes are scannin'  

    Is the welcome revelation that our love's completely canon!
  
 **ALL**. 

  
     canon, canon, canon, canon, canon, canon, canon, canon, canon,  
canon!

 _(Exeunt all, chasing after[](http://bowdlerized.livejournal.com/profile)[ **bowdlerized**](http://bowdlerized.livejournal.com/) with pitchforks.)_

  



End file.
